Where all my single ladies at?! (Cue Beyonce: “ALLLLLL my single ladies, now put your hands UP!”). Fellow single lady here, and I am about to tell you all my greatest guilty pleasure: signing up for every single dating app EVER. I mean, that may be a bit extreme, but in all honesty I have tried a shit ton of them. And I am here to bestow my knowledge (or lack thereof) and my opinion of the best and worst of the dating app world.
Let’s start with the most obvious: TINDER. Ugh, I have a love/hate relationship with Tinder. I can’t live with him, and can’t live without him. But in all honesty, it does help to pass the time while I’m bored at work (Shhh, don’t tell my boss). I like to compare Tinder to those sushi restaurants you can go to that have the conveyor belt of sushi passing around the restaurant. Lots of different types, none of which you can really choose or “filter”, and if you pass it up (or swipe left, in this case), it’ll come back around in a few minutes. All we basically have to go off of are looks, unless the guys like to show some sort of personality by writing a sentence or two about themselves. I’ve gone on a few Tinder dates, as well as have a number of my girlfriends, but nothing has really stuck. A lot of dudes are just looking to hook up (which, if that’s what you’re looking for, get it gurllll), or they can’t necessarily hold a conversation via text. Moral of the story, take Tinder with a grain of salt.
Next, we’ll go with OKCupid. At first, this app was overwhelming. I got a TON of messages and notifications at once and it was a tad much. Basically, anyone can message you at any time. Doesn’t matter if they aren’t in your age/height/anything else range, they can send you a message regardless. Tends to get real f-in’ annoying. But once I turned off my notifications, it didn’t bother me as much. In OK, you get to create an actual profile. You fill out a self-summary, favorite books, movies, shows, music, what you typically do on a Friday night, and a few other topics. In addition to your profile, you can answer automated questions in 6 Categories: Dating, Lifestyle, Sex, Ethics, Religion, and Other. Then, we you start to look through profiles, they’ll give you a percentage rating with that person based off of how you both answered these questions. I’ve met a few guys from OKCupid, one I’ve gone on a few dates with. Is he my prince charming? Meh, probably not, but I’ll keep him around for now. 😉
Plenty of Fish is next up on my list. Ok so, I thought OkCupid was overwhelming?! Dear Lord, this app is insanity. You literally get a notification every time someone views your profile, says they like you, and wants to meet up…UGH! TEAM TOO MUCH. This resulted in me turning off my notifications, once again. It is a more in-depth profile than Tinder, but not as detailed as OkCupid. You basically fill out the necessities; city, age, body type, job, sign, kids, personality type, and there’s a little about me section. You can do a “Quick Match” where you can basically run through profiles like in Tinder, and they’ll let you know if you get a mutual match. But again, any creepo can message you anytime he wants. I had one guy tell me he just got back from Cuba, was a millionaire, and wanted to know if he wanted me to send his limo to get me so we could do a shit done of coke together. YEAH, OK BUDDY. I had another really cute chef that I was going to go out with, but he kept asking me to come over to his house so I yelled at him. There went that. Moral of the story, don’t go do blow with strangers, and you should be fine.
Bzzzzzzzz, let’s talk about Bumble. I actually don’t hate Bumble. There seem to be a wholeeeeee lot more normal looking and successful men on Bumble than any other site I’ve used. Not sure why that is, but I like it. Same concept as Tinder, but again, the dudes are hot and have good jobs. You get to see a few pics, read a little about them, then do the whole swipe left or right thing. Only catch here is, if you get a match, the girl has to be the one to message first. And, you’ve only got 24 hours to do so. Sometimes, and I’ve heard this a lot, the guys don’t write back for some reason? So my friend told me to try this: wait until there are like 30 minutes left in your 24-hour time frame, and then write them a message. Idk if and/or why that would work? But whatev, let’s try it. I met a REAL hot guy from Bumble. Scratch that, he was a MAN. Probably the best date I’ve been on so far. He bought us tickets to a Pirate game (bomb tickets, btw), paid for ALL of the food and drinks, and then continued to take me out after. Sadness, he comes here for work every few weeks, so he doesn’t live here. But we text, and hopefully I’ll see him again. However, I’m still looking for a local man.
Now to my least favorite, Hinge. Hinge is annoying. All it does is show you dudes that you share mutual friends with on Facebook. There isn’t really much to fill out about yourself, so again, you’re just going off of pictures. The only good thing is that you can ask your mutual friends if they know the person. Granted, most of my matches come from those FB “friends” that you’re not really friends with and haven’t spoken to in 10 years, but this could come in handy for some of you. And you can’t just randomly message people; you have to match with them. So, needless to say, this app doesn’t get much action from my phone.
Eharmony is up next. I’ll keep this short and simple: Waste. Of. Time. Unless, of course, you want to pay for it. You can’t even see pictures of your matches unless you dole out your credit card number. You can’t read messages, either. And their form of “messages” is having the guy ask you 3-5 questions, you answer, and you ask him 3-5 questions. Weird and I don’t like it. At least tempt me with some hot dude’s pictures before I decide to give you all my money! Ugh, annoying.
Last, let’s talk about arguably the most popular site, Match.com. Obviously, the biggest downside to Match is that you have to pay for it. And it’s not necessarily cheap. At $35+ per month, it’s up to you to decide if it’s worth it. Plus side, if dudes are actually willing to paying for this, then they’re serious about finding a relationship. And, they are extremely in-depth with their questioning. So in all honesty, if you’re looking for a serious relationship, this may be your best bet. I went on probably my best first date ever with a guy I met on Match. He was a bit older than me, super successful, and insanely attractive. We messaged for a while before deciding to meet up, and we both had said that it was one of the best first dates either of us had ever had. And then I had to F it up and go and sleep with him and then he ghosted on me. WOMP WOMP. But, I’m still holding out hope for Match!
Ok ladies, I have gone and done the leg work for you; now go forth and conquer! If you have any dating stories, or nightmares, I’d love to hear about them! Shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.